How Did This Happen?!

After coming to the realization that I was fat I had to ask myself how I got that way. I so did not want to ask that question.

Asking myself how I had gained almost 50 pounds in two years meant facing up to some rather nasty truths.

I always ate "healthy". I ate things like this:

From www.101cookbooks.com
I did actually use this recipe quite often.
It is super yummy.

This is a healthy recipe, nutritionally dense, full of leafy greens and fiber.

Healthy.

When you are a petite woman and eat two heaping plates full in one sitting and then follow it up with a desert, even if that desert is made with whole wheat flour and agave syrup, you are not eating a healthy meal.

Over eating is not healthy.

I always used the fact that I was eating healthy foods to excuse the huge portions. The constant snacking could not be bad for me as all of my snacks were wholesome.

No one ever taught me about calories. This in not an excuse, just a fact. I spent so much time preparing healthy whole foods, I researched nutritional information, never did I think to look at calories or serving sizes. I just ate and ate and ate. I was a disordered eater. I ate when I was stressed, I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was lonely. I ate and ate and ate, all the while wondering why I was getting bigger.

But Even after I realized I was fat I still couldn't face the fact that I was over eating. I simply could not believe that I was that person. I could not admit my gluttony to myself.

I was a mess.